Bewildering Patterns
How you lead yourself astray from what you say are your goals

We think we know where we’re headed in life, where we want to go, what we want to achieve. Yet in some ways we’re our own worst enemy, because we may say we want one thing, but do the things that lead us someplace else. In this session we look at three common ways we lead ourselves astray.

Self-defeating Ways — Ways we prevent our own success or effectiveness. Some may seem harmless, such as self-delaying ("I’ll do it later"); others may be serious, such as self-depression ("It’s hopeless; I give up!"); and still others may be self-destructive, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, etc., each a kind of slow suicide. While we may not see what we’re doing, others often do, and tell us, "You’re your own worst enemy!" or "You may fool yourself, but not me!" In LEAP we look at Self-D’s with roots in childhood, and work to replace them with ways to be more effective in meeting life’s problems.

Private Logic — Inner reasoning by which we put ourselves ahead of others and the needs of the community. By it, we justify, excuse, and rationalize self-oriented behavior, which he called "socially useless." He contrasted this with "common sense," the practical wisdom humanity has developed over the years to guide social relationships; contained in laws, rules, etiquette, proverbs and sayings, religious & ethical teachings, moral behavior, and the like. Such community-enhancing behavior is "social useful." In this session we look at ways to reveal Private Logic, reduce its effects on your life, and increase "Social Interest" as you enriching your life by enriching the lives of others.

Mistaken Mission — Related to Adler’s concept of "Fictional Final Goal." Every child confronts at least one problem which cannot be solved. The child says, in effect, "I must spend the rest of my life to solve it." This is a mistaken mission because a child cannot know life’s great problem, and it’s a mistaken mission because the child decides to spend life to solve the problem. Thus the Childhood Problem provides a direction for the rest of one’s life. For example, Adler wrote of himself:

When I was five I became ill with pneumonia and was given up by the physician. A second physician advised a treatment just the same, and in a few days I was well again. From that time on I recall always thinking of myself in the future as a physician. This means that I had set a goal from which I could expect to end my childhood distress, my fear of death.
Adler’s childhood problem led him to a life of healing, and as one of the world’s most influential psychiatrists he helped millions of people to mental health. Nevertheless, he saw people wasting their adult lives trying to solve a childhood problem, rather than getting on with solving adult problems.

Some ways to think about your "Bewildering" patterns:

What "Self-D" is your favorite way to lead yourself astray? What’s your next favorite? Your third? What would your life be like if you didn’t use such distractions to keep yourself from achieving your goals?

The next time you feel discouraged, be aware of how you use "Private Logic" to excuse or justify doing something that may not be in your best interests.

What was the biggest problem you faced as a child? How have you constructed your life to solve that problem? What would your life be like today if you’d left that problem in childhood as just one more problem of being a child?