Boy/Girlhood Patterns

All the other things we learned in childhood to help us manage the rest of our lives

This Pattern involves all the other childhood experiences, events, attitudes and behaviors we had as children, and carried with us (as "lessons for life") into adulthood. LEAP can't cover all the zillions of possible childhood events, but here are some common topics:

Play, Playmates, and Games — This involves "child’s play as the child’s work," as through play and playmates we rehearsed how to think and act in various world situations.

Imagination and fantasy — Day-dreaming; mental replaying of events in which we act more effectively; how we scared ourselves in the dark, and the like. Stories, fairy tales, and characters — Stories that scared, pleased, thrilled us; in which we took imaginary parts; favorite characters (heroes, heroines, villains, ogres, witches, etc.); the feelings of having stories told or read to us; our "favorite" which may serve as a theme to our own lives ("Cinderella," "Peter Pan," "Sleeping Beauty," etc.). This includes favorite movies, radio or TV shows, etc.

Toys, Pets, Imaginary friend — How we found comfort/reassurance in things ("blanket," "stuffed dog," family pet); things we liked to play with when alone; and the "other self" we developed in imagination with whom to feel competent or powerful, or to try out various ideas before trying them with real people.

Dreams and Nightmares — Recurring dreams, nightmares, and "night terrors." Dream themes. The dream as problem-solving while asleep. Childhood dreams continuing into teen and/or adult years.

Family Events — Reunions, moves, eating out, fights, illnesses, shopping, and all the rest. Holidays, Trips, Vacations — Summertime, weekends, carnival/circus, going places, etc.

Key Specific Events (Early Recollections) — Adler believed that a half-dozen easily-recalled specific events in childhood tend to summarize much of one’s Life Style. We see them as Life’s Master Questions, our answers becoming our Core Beliefs about the way things are. Each summarizes a Basic Truth for us.

School days — Adlerians see the first day of school as significant. We include classmates, favorite teachers, and favorite subjects here too. Beginning school is the first significant step from family-as-world to the world-beyond-family: we see how family ways work with others, what family ways to change and what to keep; our effectiveness in dealing with strangers. Teen years/high school — Similar to our first school days, this combines the effects of puberty with pressures to change, conform, be effective, fit in, lead or follow, compete or cooperate, etc. Just like in our first six years of life! Adolescence is our "last chance" to revise our Patterns before Adulthood.

Some ways to think about your "Boyhood" or "Girlhood" patterns:

Were you, in general, a happy child? Can you think of specific times you were happy? What were they like? Is there a common theme to them? How do you re-create such happiness in your life today?
What games did you most enjoy? Were they solitary/alone, or with others? In group things, were you chosen first or last? If you did the choosing, how did that happen?
When, in childhood, were you most afraid? What have you done about it since then?
Do you remember your first day of school? What was your favorite subject?
What was your favorite story or fairy tale as a child? Why?
Did you have an Imaginary Friend? What for? What happened to him/her/it?
What is your earliest recollection of a specific event in childhood: What happened? How did you feel?